The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
