I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize