dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
