Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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