some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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