1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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