Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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