I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
