That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize