We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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