Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
