accomplished twins. life is a go
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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