I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
