Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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