brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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