i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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