I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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