I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
