I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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