I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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