and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
