so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
