Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
