So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
