I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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