So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
