Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
well you can't waste a boner
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
