Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
