I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The air was thick with penises
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
