You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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