Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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