Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(520): View more from Arizona

i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.

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(305): View more from Florida

Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies

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(954): View more from Florida

woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

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(919): View more from North Carolina

just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!

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(626): View more from California

Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.

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(314): View more from Missouri

the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus

(857): View more from Massachusetts

I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.

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