HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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