even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
