Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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