I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
