The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
