Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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