bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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