We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A+ Viking dick
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