is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
