the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
