so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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