a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
