I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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