Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
