Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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