I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
