Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
