I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
