She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
