We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
