I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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