Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
