TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
