So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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