Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
