i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize