I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
