also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
