made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
