Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
