I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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