I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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