I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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