is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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