Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
