I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
