Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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