You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
