He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
