i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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