Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The best revenge is premature balding
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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