We're like a lot better than the average bears
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
