matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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