my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize