Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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