so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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