She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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